His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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