who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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