I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
