i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
