At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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