I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
