We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
