if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
