Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
