Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
