Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
