she woke up with a sticky ear
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
