How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize