The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
