I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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