What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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