I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
