Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
