Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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