hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize