I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
