hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am one with the molecules
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
