the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
