Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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