It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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