xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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