rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
