i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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