she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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