I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
