This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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