Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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