Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
