I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize