no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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