Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
