We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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