Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
