She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
