Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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