so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
