TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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