was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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