It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
