I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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