her vagine was all disorganized.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
