Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
