Everything about him screamed your future.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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