she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
