FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
