When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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