No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize