I want to walk on stilts...naked
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
