kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
