drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
