i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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