There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
