I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
