As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
