K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the raccoons are back...
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