Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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