i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Holy shit dude........stairs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
