I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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