Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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