Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
