capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
