apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
