Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
