Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
